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Off-roading with Alfred.

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Posted by James on August 26, 2020 at 09:07:48

After getting a good soaking when out with my uncle Benny and his acquaintance Alfred the other day, Alfred contacted me again and asked if I would like to go with him to the quarry and do some off-roading.

“Yes, love to; when were you thinking of?” I asked.

“Well it has been pouring with rain for the last couple of days and rain is forecast for later, so I thought today as it will be nice and wet and muddy everywhere.” Alfred replied.

“Sounds good to me – the wetter the better!” I laughed.

“My thoughts exactly. How about if I pick you up in half-an-hour? Just a word of advice, wear a long sleeve shirt and some sturdy shoes – it can hurt being hit by high-speed mud and if we have to push the car out of the mud you need foot protection. Is that OK? Does your mate Paul want to come along?”

“Half an hour would be great. Paul is working today, so it will just be me. I’ll do as you say regarding clothes.” I replied.

So I changed into a pair of cotton twill jeans and a heavy-weight khaki coloured shirt. The jeans are new and I’ve not got them wet or muddy as yet, they are Wrangler and sage green in colour. I wore my chunky walking shoes as they have a decent treat on and I thought might help me stay up-right if it was very muddy and slippery.

Alfred arrived in his Land Rover towing a trailer with a battered looking buggy-style vehicle on the back. I jumped in and found a young man sitting in the back.

“This is Mike, my step-son, he fancied a chance of driving off-road. He’s due to start driving lessons soon – after his seventeenth birthday in a couple of weeks – he’s been able to drive for a couple of years and can’t wait to make it official.”

So we exchanged greetings. Mike was a slim lad with bright red hair and freckles across his face. He was dressed in scruffy looking denim jeans and a loud black and yellow check flannel shirt.

“Have you driven off-road before, James …… or do you prefer ‘Jamie’?” Mike asked.

“I’ll answer to either, whichever you prefer to use. My uncle Benny calls me James because he always has, but my partner Paul calls me Jamie mostly, unless I’ve annoyed him.” I explained “And no I’ve never driven off-road. I have a licence and passed my test but don’t have a car of my own, we use Paul’s or I borrow uncle Benny’s.”

“Benny has a classic Citroen DS, Mike, a truly lovely car, I’m deeply envious!” Alfred said “You’d love it.”

“Wow, those are special. Can I see it some time?” Mike asked.

“Yes of course – Benny would be delighted to take you for a drive and experience it – he likes to show it off to people who are enthusiasts.” I said.

We arrived at the old quarry after ten minutes or so and Mike hopped out and unlocked and opened a metal gate to allow us to drive in. He closed and locked the gate again and we drove along a track lined by trees before it opened out to a large flat area with steep cliffs enclosing it on three sides. The area we parked in was flat and almost ankle deep in mud and water, looking around I saw that on the cliff nearest us there was a stream of water pouring down the face of it.

“As you can see it gets very wet on the floor of the quarry, there’s a couple of springs on the land above and most of the excess waster flows out on the far side where it joins a small stream. There is a circuit around and across the quarry floor but you can basically drive anywhere if you want. Some of the mud pools are waist deep so you’ll have lots of chances to get a good soaking and as muddy as you like.” Alfred explained “Let’s get the buggy off and we can make a start.”

We splashed through the mud and puddles and Mike drove the buggy off the trailer and then Alfred unhitched the trailer and suggested that I hop in the passenger seat of the buggy and go for an explore with Mike. He siad he’d follow along in his Land Rover.

Mike may not have passed his test as yet but he drove the buggy like a seasoned pro – fast but smooth. The track we followed was smooth but wet and flooded across sections with big pools of mud where it dipped into hollows. It was bit like riding a roller-coaster but a lot slower. The first mud pool we got to looked to be quite deep as the approach and exit were both steeper than we’d encountered before.

“Ready to get a soaking?” Mike grinned as he slowed down as we crested the approach. I just managed to nod and say yes before he floored the accelerator and we charged into the pool, mud and water was everywhere – it sprayed sideways from the wheels, we were splattered with mud and water from the front wheels and then the bonnet dipped under the surface and a wave of mud washed back across the bonnet and flooded over us, hitting us in the chest, splashing up under my chin and drenching my shirt and jeans. As we exited the pool and charged up the exit slope, more water washed across our legs from the footwells. Mike pulled up again as we crested the exit.

“What do you think of that? Wet enough now?” he grinned at me.

“You can never be wet enough ……. let’s find another mud pool….” I laughed.

“There’s plenty more, some even deeper …..” Mike grinned.

We drove on and splashed through the many puddles and pools of mud. When Mike told me we were approaching the final one, I told him to go for it. We hit the muddy water with a huge splash and got thoroughly soaked yet again. After that the car spluttered to a halt and we were left sitting about a third of the way through with water lapping around our nether regions as we sat marooned.

“Ooops!” Mike laughed “I think I’ve stalled it.”

I looked around, ripples of muddy water were washing over our laps and our legs, apart from our knees, were submerged. Mud and water dripped off our hair and our shirts were gleaming wet and sticking to our chests. Mike tried to restart the engine but it totally refused and all we got was the sound of the starter motor churning away.

“Are you sure there’s still fuel in the tank?” I asked “Sounds like there’s not even a chance of it starting even though it’s turning over.”

“Aaah – you may be right – I didn’t bother to check.” Mike admitted.

“What does the fuel gauge say?” I asked.

“Nothing! Because there isn’t one…… Oh well, we’ll have to push it out and check the tank.” Mike said as he swung his legs out and launched himself into the mud and water, which turned out to be just about waist deep as he sank in and then waded round to the back of the buggy. I did the same and we put our backs into pushing the buggy out of the puddle. There was no point in pushing it backwards the way we had come so we pushed it through the deeper parts and ended up wading through chest deep sloppy mud and water, but having to bend to push the buggy meant we both ended up covered over our shoulders, the buggy wasn’t heavy and we both looked a complete mess covered in sticky grey/brown mud, you couldn’t have said what colour our clothes were without knowing beforehand. It felt amazing.

Just as we were checking the level of fuel in the small tank – basically only a dribble was in the bottom of the tank – Alfred drove up in the Land Rover. He jumped out and walked over.

“Yeurgh! What a mess you two look.” Alfred laughed “Let me guess – you didn’t bother to check the fuel, Mike?”

“OK, I know, you’ve told me often enough.” Mike grinned “But you have to admit that it is a good excuse for getting muddy.”

“Are you enjoying this, James? Or is it all a bit much ……”

“No I’m fine, haven’t had so much fun in ages.”

Alfred produced a jerry-can of fuel and then suggested that I might like a drive in the buggy. It was huge fun, I’ve never done anything like that before and I managed to Alfred as muddy and wet as Mike and I were, which he thoroughly enjoyed rather too obviously, much to Mike’s amusement when we got back to the Land Rover cue eyes rolling upwards as Alfred got out and stood up and an exasperated “Not again – he does this every time!”

We spent another hour or more driving around and making ourselves and the buggy as muddy as possible and when we had loaded the trailer again, both Alfred and Mike started wrestling each other to see who could get the other falling into a mud pool first. Being lighter and slightly shorter, Mike was the first to get dunked and Alfred and I jumped in after him and we all wallowed in the mud for a bit. We got cleaned off a bit in the stream, although the water there was already cloudy with mud washed from the quarry, it was good for getting rid of most of the mud and then we drove back. All in all a great day that we thoroughly enjoyed. Alfred has promised to let me know the next time he goes and I shall try and persuade Paul to go along as well, he would definitely enjoy himself.



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