Re: Soggy Wars II (The Force Awakens)
Posted by wetjumper on December 31, 2024 at 22:52:59
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in Reply to: Soggy Wars II (The Force Awakens) posted by Twillin on December 29, 2024 at 08:15:54:
That was a classic Soggy Wars episode.
I was secretly aware of the wet force from an early age, but I never met a wet Jedi knight (not even one swimming in long robes to their underwater base). My Darth Mum sometimes used the dark force to discover whether I wasn't wearing underwear and whether I had experienced the force in my clothes. So I couldn't join the Rebellion for many years.
When I first attended my Space Academy I found our training included wearing unlined shorts without underwear for PE and sports. At first I found this unpleasantly cold and draughty out in the asteroid fields. I think this may have been a test, as once the force began to develop the trainees were quietly advised to bring a change of underwear or to wear jockstraps or compression shorts to protect against the evil empire. I soon began to enjoy my training more, but I found my lightsaber sometimes looked powered up when it shouldn't have been.
Meanwhile, on a summer visit to a planet known as Combe Martin in the galaxy of Devon, Darth Mum turned my outgrown jeans into cutoff shorts and then told me on the beach "You could wear them without underwear if you're going to get them wet." Had she abandoned the dark side, or was this a test? My secret mission was to wade through rock pools with waves soaking through denim next to my skin. This was a great success, as I'd hoped, but Darth Mum detected the glistening result inside my cutoff jeans and wouldn't let me repeat my mission. I found I could only continue my training secretly in the bathroom with the door locked. Fortunately, under the cover of cleaning the bathroom for pocket money, I was able to practise my wet clothes training every Sunday to master the wet force.
In the heat of a nearby sun I once arranged to meet a friendly alien lifeform identified as "the older boy next door" (codename Peter - the same codename as me so as to confuse the enemy). I knew he'd been wearing his spacesuit of khaki shorts without his briefs, so I wore my dark blue school gym shorts just over skin - sadly Darth Mum detected my lightsaber and told me "Peter, go and put your underpants on - you're not wearing any, I can tell." In support of the Rebellion I ran upstairs to put on a brightly-patterned shirt as a distraction, washed my lightsaber with cold water to get it to shrink a bit, pulled my shorts back up and went out again. Darth Mum had her doubts but didn't intercept me. A photo taken later that day shows me and my friend sitting on a wall, to my eyes detectably not wearing briefs but not looking indecent. Sadly we didn't get wet together as the friendly alien didn't seem interested, my mission couldn't be completed.
My intergalactic quest eventually discovered the Wacky Wet World and its heroic multitude studying the ever-growing power of wet clothes under the wise guidance of Jedi Master Felix. At last the wet force was with me.
Peter (wetjumper)